Once upon a time, a beggar stole a ring from the king. He ran away because the king was going to kill him.
The beggar ran to a ruined mountain chapel, which was mostly made of piles of rocks. But he forgot to bring food with him to his hiding place, so he was forced to leave the chapel. He journeyed down the road and found a village.
While there, he was robbed of the ring by a thief. As he was about to enact an elaborate plan to get the ring back, he was caught in a trap by the king. Unsatisfied that the beggar did not know where the ring was, the king threw the beggar into a tower until he would talk.
A tiny bird landed in the tower window and told him that an enemy was coming to slay him; according to the bird, this enemy was a monster. In fact, the beggar’s enemy was a powerful dragon. Hearing that the dragon was coming for him, the beggar attempted to escape. Just when he despaired that there was no way out, he found a secret passageway that led far outside of the tower.
So the beggar went to get the ring back from the evil ugly thief. The beggar was frightened, but managed to catch up to the thief. Through a stroke of good luck, the beggar succeeded and killed the thief.
Meanwhile, a hero was passing into town. With him was his trusty rabid wolf. The wolf killed the beggar, forcing the hero to put down the wolf. The hero found the ring and went on a journey by boat to return the ring to the king.
At this time, the beggar ghost was sad and dead. The dragon showed up and spoke to him. At that moment, the hero, having returned the ring to its rightful owner, showed up and killed the dragon. And everyone thanked the hero, who had saved them from the dragon and the beggar.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Bird Boy
Once upon a time there was a boy, who lived in a cave. One day he got tired of his cave, and decided that he would go on adventures and find a wife. So he went on a vast journey across the world, looking for the perfect woman. You see, he needed to find the perfect woman as that would break his curse; he was cursed to be a bird during the day, and a human during the night.
In order to find the perfect woman, he went to a very wise old hag, an insane old hag. She told him that he must go and win the competition for the strongest man in the world, because the prize was the most beautiful woman in existence. So he journeyed off, following the insane old hag’s advice and entered the contest. He managed to win the contest because all of the other strong people were frogs during the day; being a bird, he was stronger and better.
Luckily for the boy, the prize really was the fairest woman in the world. When they kissed, his curse was lifted. So the couple to embarked on another long and perilious journey to return to his home. They passed through many ruins and had many exciting adventures. Many years later, they came to his mountain. And as the dawn broke, they could see that it was perfect.
In order to find the perfect woman, he went to a very wise old hag, an insane old hag. She told him that he must go and win the competition for the strongest man in the world, because the prize was the most beautiful woman in existence. So he journeyed off, following the insane old hag’s advice and entered the contest. He managed to win the contest because all of the other strong people were frogs during the day; being a bird, he was stronger and better.
Luckily for the boy, the prize really was the fairest woman in the world. When they kissed, his curse was lifted. So the couple to embarked on another long and perilious journey to return to his home. They passed through many ruins and had many exciting adventures. Many years later, they came to his mountain. And as the dawn broke, they could see that it was perfect.
The Warlock and the Giant
A long time ago, in a land far away, there lived a boy who lived on Kitchen Island in a cottage. Time passes and he grew up. As the boy grew up, he got bored on Kitchen Island, because nothing ever happened. So he decided to journey to away on a ship and seek his fortune. He travelled to the Kingdom of Appalonia, landing in a port. There he met many people as he tried to figure out what it was he was going to do in this strange and distant land.
He came upon a priest, out in the woods. The priest, who took a liking to the boy, offered to teach him what he knew bout arcane lore. Thereupon the boy embarked with the priest upon a journey to learn the fell secrets of sorcery.
Years later, the young man had undergone a transformation and become a wizard. He had learned a great many spells. But in that time, his old master had become blind and, finally died. The man was very sad, having seen his mentor die. He decided to look for his mother, who had long ago died.
As he was travelling along, looking for her, he got into an argument with a man in a bar. The argument escalated into a fight. They threw spells around for awhile, and it landed our hero in jail. Luckily, some sassy little wench broke him out of prison.
The sassy little wench told him that she would help him find his dead mother, who was a very nice queen. The wizard was happy, finally having discovered who his mother is. The wench knew this because she and the wizard were actually brother and sister. The wizard said “That’s nice,” and then left. Off into the forest he went, because he didn’t like his sister at all (she was kind of ugly). But she followed him. So off into the forest they went.
In the forest, they met a fairy. The fairy told the man that if he could slay the giant, she would grant his wish, and bring him to his mother. But he could not use his magic; he must use an axe. The wizard accepted this challenge and went to slay the giant. The giant was asleep, but was really a giant giant, the size of a mountain. He ran up with the axe and tried to smack the giant with it, but the axe broke into a million pieces. This woke the giant up. Luckily for the man, the giant wasn’t too sad, as he was actually a giant child. And so the wizard played with the giant for awhile, but eventually they parted company.
As the giant watched them leave, he turned to his short little mother who gave him a gift for being such a nice person. She told him that if someone attacks him, he should ask why first. From that point on, the giant child listened to his mother’s advice from then on.
He came upon a priest, out in the woods. The priest, who took a liking to the boy, offered to teach him what he knew bout arcane lore. Thereupon the boy embarked with the priest upon a journey to learn the fell secrets of sorcery.
Years later, the young man had undergone a transformation and become a wizard. He had learned a great many spells. But in that time, his old master had become blind and, finally died. The man was very sad, having seen his mentor die. He decided to look for his mother, who had long ago died.
As he was travelling along, looking for her, he got into an argument with a man in a bar. The argument escalated into a fight. They threw spells around for awhile, and it landed our hero in jail. Luckily, some sassy little wench broke him out of prison.
The sassy little wench told him that she would help him find his dead mother, who was a very nice queen. The wizard was happy, finally having discovered who his mother is. The wench knew this because she and the wizard were actually brother and sister. The wizard said “That’s nice,” and then left. Off into the forest he went, because he didn’t like his sister at all (she was kind of ugly). But she followed him. So off into the forest they went.
In the forest, they met a fairy. The fairy told the man that if he could slay the giant, she would grant his wish, and bring him to his mother. But he could not use his magic; he must use an axe. The wizard accepted this challenge and went to slay the giant. The giant was asleep, but was really a giant giant, the size of a mountain. He ran up with the axe and tried to smack the giant with it, but the axe broke into a million pieces. This woke the giant up. Luckily for the man, the giant wasn’t too sad, as he was actually a giant child. And so the wizard played with the giant for awhile, but eventually they parted company.
As the giant watched them leave, he turned to his short little mother who gave him a gift for being such a nice person. She told him that if someone attacks him, he should ask why first. From that point on, the giant child listened to his mother’s advice from then on.
The Ugly Werewolf Prince
A long lost prince was very sad. He was actually an ugly werewolf. He was also trapped in a horrible, ugly tower, imprisoned by a warlock. The warlock was mad because the prince set him on fire. When the wizard got set on fire, his daughter was insanely frightened and ran away.
Luckily the local shepardess was able to rescue the prince. This was an incredibly stupid plan, which was obviously and immediately followed by death; the shepardess was killed by the werewolf prince. So now that the werewolf was free, he got the hell out of that tower; there’s a stupid wizard there who was set on fire but didn’t die. He went out of there and ran far, far away. He passed through a mountain and ran into some gypsies. While he spent some time with the gypsies, as they knew who he was and they had charms to protect them against werewolves, he heard of a secret treasure that was far, far away. Far away. Away from the wizard’s tower. And being a greedy prince who also thought that it would help restore him to his kingdom, he decided to go after the treasure. He was warned that it was a long and perilous journey to the forgotten cave of a long lost god.
On his way to the cave, the prince passed through a village. Inside the village, he came across the crazed warlock’s daughter who had become blind in her crazed journey. The prince, having regained temporary control of his lycanthropy, felt pity for the warlock’s daughter and her desperate plight, and after some discussion, it was revealed that the two were, in fact, long-lost brother and sister. Yes, the warlock, who he had set on fire was in fact his father. With the wicked Queen of the East, who, fearing of prophesy, had sent the prince away and had him imprisoned for most of his youth. The prince told his sister that he was not actually a werewolf; he just liked wearing wolf skins. And everyone confused him. The sister, outraged with his shenanigans, and using some of the magic that her father told her, cursed him to actually BE a werewolf. The now actual werewolf prince, infuriated with this, killed his sister.
When he realized what he had done, he was stricken with grief and went to the old wise-lady of the town. She consoled him, and raised his sister from the dead. His sister apologized, and said she understood why he killed her. She was about to reveal a horrible secret of her own, but did not. And so they called the cook in and had a great feast in honour of the sister being brought back to life. That night, there was a storm; God was weeping in joy for the restoration of the princess. And so everything was restored to its former glory.
Luckily the local shepardess was able to rescue the prince. This was an incredibly stupid plan, which was obviously and immediately followed by death; the shepardess was killed by the werewolf prince. So now that the werewolf was free, he got the hell out of that tower; there’s a stupid wizard there who was set on fire but didn’t die. He went out of there and ran far, far away. He passed through a mountain and ran into some gypsies. While he spent some time with the gypsies, as they knew who he was and they had charms to protect them against werewolves, he heard of a secret treasure that was far, far away. Far away. Away from the wizard’s tower. And being a greedy prince who also thought that it would help restore him to his kingdom, he decided to go after the treasure. He was warned that it was a long and perilous journey to the forgotten cave of a long lost god.
On his way to the cave, the prince passed through a village. Inside the village, he came across the crazed warlock’s daughter who had become blind in her crazed journey. The prince, having regained temporary control of his lycanthropy, felt pity for the warlock’s daughter and her desperate plight, and after some discussion, it was revealed that the two were, in fact, long-lost brother and sister. Yes, the warlock, who he had set on fire was in fact his father. With the wicked Queen of the East, who, fearing of prophesy, had sent the prince away and had him imprisoned for most of his youth. The prince told his sister that he was not actually a werewolf; he just liked wearing wolf skins. And everyone confused him. The sister, outraged with his shenanigans, and using some of the magic that her father told her, cursed him to actually BE a werewolf. The now actual werewolf prince, infuriated with this, killed his sister.
When he realized what he had done, he was stricken with grief and went to the old wise-lady of the town. She consoled him, and raised his sister from the dead. His sister apologized, and said she understood why he killed her. She was about to reveal a horrible secret of her own, but did not. And so they called the cook in and had a great feast in honour of the sister being brought back to life. That night, there was a storm; God was weeping in joy for the restoration of the princess. And so everything was restored to its former glory.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The Pirate Lord
Once upon a time . . . there was a pirate lord who went to sea. He was searching for the legendary treasure of the Crazy God.
He sailed to the island of the skeleton warriors. There he met a child. The child told him about a shepherdess who knew the location of the treasure. The only problem was she was in prison. So they scoped out the prison. The prison was crawling with skeleton warriors.
The pirate lord and the boy walked around to the back of the prison; they discovered that the back door was wide open. In front of them was a sleeping skeleton warrior. They were confused as to why a skeleton warrior would be asleep, but decided not to knock their good fortune. The child snuck up to the sleeping figure and stole his key ring. They rescued the shepherdess and escaped from the prison without incident.
The shepherdess was very ugly. But she had a terrible secret: she was stupid. Well, the lord thought she was stupid. But she had to cast a ritual over a fire which would summon an animal that would tell them the location of the treasure. The ritual took a long time and the pirate lord thought it wouldn’t work. Suddenly, a bird flew up and spoke to them. It told them that no man or woman could find the treasure in the state they were in, so they would have to trade personalities. The pirate agreed to this, but the shepherdess said no. But her opinion didn’t count because she was dumb. So the bird changes them. They both have a vision, one of the path to the object, the other of the place where the object was kept. The bird flew away. They described their visions to the child. The child knew the place, but he was frightened and insane.
Unknown to the pirate lord and the shepherdess, there was a fairy on a horse also looking for the treasure. She was looking for the treasure, which would save her from certain death because she was cursed. The fairy was the only one who knew that the treasure was a wishing ring.
The pirate lord, shepherdess and fairy all met up. They had a sword fight and the fairy died. The pirate lord and shepherdess find the treasure, but they have a contest over it because they both wanted it. The pirate lord won the ring and also a crown. He was very happy and wished for them to change back to their normal places. So they changed places and everything was back to normal.
He sailed to the island of the skeleton warriors. There he met a child. The child told him about a shepherdess who knew the location of the treasure. The only problem was she was in prison. So they scoped out the prison. The prison was crawling with skeleton warriors.
The pirate lord and the boy walked around to the back of the prison; they discovered that the back door was wide open. In front of them was a sleeping skeleton warrior. They were confused as to why a skeleton warrior would be asleep, but decided not to knock their good fortune. The child snuck up to the sleeping figure and stole his key ring. They rescued the shepherdess and escaped from the prison without incident.
The shepherdess was very ugly. But she had a terrible secret: she was stupid. Well, the lord thought she was stupid. But she had to cast a ritual over a fire which would summon an animal that would tell them the location of the treasure. The ritual took a long time and the pirate lord thought it wouldn’t work. Suddenly, a bird flew up and spoke to them. It told them that no man or woman could find the treasure in the state they were in, so they would have to trade personalities. The pirate agreed to this, but the shepherdess said no. But her opinion didn’t count because she was dumb. So the bird changes them. They both have a vision, one of the path to the object, the other of the place where the object was kept. The bird flew away. They described their visions to the child. The child knew the place, but he was frightened and insane.
Unknown to the pirate lord and the shepherdess, there was a fairy on a horse also looking for the treasure. She was looking for the treasure, which would save her from certain death because she was cursed. The fairy was the only one who knew that the treasure was a wishing ring.
The pirate lord, shepherdess and fairy all met up. They had a sword fight and the fairy died. The pirate lord and shepherdess find the treasure, but they have a contest over it because they both wanted it. The pirate lord won the ring and also a crown. He was very happy and wished for them to change back to their normal places. So they changed places and everything was back to normal.
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